chat, this isn't about flowers.
what I didn't say then, and what I'm learning now.
This newsletter will be very different to the product-centric newsletters I used to share earlier. I’m pivoting to a more introspective style for my future newsletters, as I feel like I have a LOT more to share here as compared to my original vision for the newsletter.
Please feel free to unsubscribe if you don’t feel like reading about a man whining (or reflecting)!
If you do choose to unsubscribe, just know that I absolutely love that you chose to subscribe back then! It means a lot more than you know :D
Though there have been times of inactivity, this newsletter somehow has ~80 subscribers. WOW.
So, thank you!
On to the newsletter :)
I was doomscrolling one day (as one does) and this video by creator jonymlee popped up.
In the video, Jony says, “Let me tell you what’s more romantic than getting flowers you didn’t ask for? Getting flowers you ask for.”
This has a very obvious point. This video wasn’t about flowers.
Lately, I’ve been thinking of my past relationships, and why things didn’t work out the way I thought it would.
I'm usually surrounded with people.
“Sid, you’re an extrovert’s extrovert”, as a friend once put it.
But if I had to distill down the reason I feel more comfortable in friendships than in relationships, it would be that my friendships usually have an underlying theme of having fun.
That part doesn’t need to be said out loud.
Meeting friends for a concert? A 11/10 experience, where my authentic self comes out in full force.
Meeting friends for food and drinks? A 11/10 experience, where I’m fully present and love to catch up with them.
Meeting friends for a game of badminton? A 11/10 experience, where I absolutely suck at the game, but I still want to show that I’m competitive.
When I got into my first proper relationship, I expected this (“this” being having fun) to transfer over, and I think it did.
What I didn’t expect was the silence.
In my mind, I expected things to be full of conversations, either deep or a bit of fluff.
But eventually, this would run its course.
Eventually, there would be silence.
Silence after not getting what I wanted in the relationship.
Silence after my then partner shared something constructive.
The first time I experienced this, I didn’t know what to say, how to act, or even what to do next.
My partner at the time, bless her, sensed something and asked what’s wrong.
I didn’t say a word.
There are times when you have a hundred different things to say. There are other times when you don’t have anything to say. But then there are times when you feel like saying something, but don’t.
The third, for me, was what led to things becoming destructive.
Looking back at this now, I realized (and was told) that I didn’t communicate.
I didn’t know how to communicate my emotions, or what I thought. (Hmph, a man doesn’t communicate feelings.)
But the further I got from the eventual breakup, one thing comes out of this fog of a failed relationship.
Communication takes effort.
Rings especially true if you’re in a new relationship.
It’s the mental bandwidth it takes to speak up.
It’s the effort to express yourself in a relationship.
And I, during the relationship, didn't put in that effort.
Communicating what I felt, or was going through, meant that I needed to introspect, reflect and articulate it.
I had to become emotionally intelligent for my partner.
I didn’t.
Clearly, I was in the FAFO stage then.
I’d let things sit and fester instead of addressing them (the FA stage), with obvious consequences (the FO stage).
The last few days of my doomscrolling, luckily, have led me to find quite a few creators that have cute couples pages (My favorite find so far HAS to be mayaandhunter.)
Just watching Hunter (the husband) in the videos, showed me how much I failed to respect the relationship I had.
One of the videos that held, nay, shoved a mirror in front of my face to reflect on, was this:
Respecting my partner meant that I needed to “man up”, and actually communicate.
The lack of communication from me most likely drove my then partner crazy.
God bless her heart. She was an extremely patient woman.
The last few months of 2025 has made me commit to one thing, at least.
That is, to become a better person to the next person, to friends, and even colleagues, is to communicate.
Learning about what irks me, what gives me joy, what my boundaries are, what exactly gives me energy in a relationship (both platonic, and romantic), is going to be hard. It may even be a life-long process.
But I can start now, and make sure not to repeat the mistakes I made earlier.
Through this newsletter, I’ll share what I learn.
Share my slip ups? Absolutely.
But more than that, it’ll be the support that I get from the people close to me, the encouragement, and the positivity that this change will bring is THE thing I’m most excited to share.
So, I hope you’re ready to learn (though, most of them will just be a creative outlet for me :D)
Additionally, my therapist, on a few occasions, has told me I write beautifully. So there’s some extra kick for you to subscribe/stay subscribed. ;)
P.S: A song that reflects this post:
I’m glad you stuck around to read the full thing :)
Please do leave a comment — especially if you were one of those people who didn’t communicate well — on what worked for you and how things have changed for you!
Till the next one.
Sid.
Honestly, the fact that you're learning from your previous relationships is already considered to be a win. Communication is definitely vital; it doesn't matter if you're a man, woman, or whatever; without communication, you won't be able to sustain any form of relationship/friendship.
Life always has those bumpy rides, but it always depends on who you're sitting next to and how you experience that. Looking forward to what topic you're going to talk about in your next newsletter!
Been going through similar things lately. Right now, for me, it's more about recognizing and acknowledging what I'm feeling, rather than ignoring or suppressing those emotions. I've been making an effort to communicate more openly with others, too. And I completely agree—this is definitely a lifelong process. Looking forward to your next write-up. 💙